Dear Regina Spektor,
I've waited a few days to write this letter because I was really holding out hope for you. It was originally my intention to use this space to write something so poetic, so touching, so lovely, that, even though I had clearly given up on you, you would feel compelled to reach out to me, accept my offer, and ultimately spend the rest of your life with me.
But I'm tired, hungover, cranky, and not that good with words anyway, so I guess that's not gonna happen. Have a nice life, Regina Spektor. At least we'll always have "On the Radio" (or, more accurately, at least I will always have that funny, post-modern tingling I get whenever I hear "On the Radio" on the radio).
Sincerely,
A Dude You Should Date
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