Reason #5 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Katy Perry

Reason #5: We're compatible in many highly important ways.  For example, you have spectacular breasts, and I'm a really big fan of spectacular breasts.  Like I said, highly important ways.

Reason #5 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Michelle Obama

Reason #5: In high school I made my All-Conference baseball team--twice.  But don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.

Reasons #5-7 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Anna Kendrick

Reason #5: When I was four years-old I donated one dollar (a whole week's allowance!) to PBS during its fundraising drive.

Reason #6: I can recite the best part of the St. Crispian's Day speech.  I can also recite the entirety of "There once was a man from Nantucket . . ."  

Reason #7: My favorite speeches from any movie are, in no particular order, as follows: the aforementioned St. Crispian's Day speech in the Kenneth Branagh version of Henry V; Timothy Treadwell's "I've always wished I was gay" monologue in Grizzly Man; the Impressive Clergyman's "Mawage" speech in The Princess Bride; and Anne Marie's "What do I want?" speech in Blue Crush.  (I'm slightly embarrassed about that last one.)

Reasons #5 And #6 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Regina Spektor

Reason #5:  I'm really good with kids.  I worked at a summer camp for 7 years and only hit a kid in the balls once.

Reason #6: I think anything can be made better if you line it with flannel.

Reasons #5 And #6 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Mila Kunis

Reason #5: You recently revealed that for many years you were blind in one eye due to a chronic case of iritis.  My friends will all tell you I have been blinded for many years by a chronic case of "I'mrightis."

Reason #6: I like bad puns (see above).

Reasons #4 And #5 Why You Should Go On A Date With Me, Gabriele Anderson

Reason #4: I like good modern fiction.  Ian McEwan, Zadie Smith, Salman Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Tim O'Brien (although that The Things They Carried isn't really fictional is a legitimate point), Kurt Vonnegut, David Foster Wallace (though I admittedly haven't made it through Infinite Jest yet--I twice started it and realized it was going to make me flunk out of school or lose my job--and I think his non-fiction is overrated), Milan Kundera, Dave Eggers, and Thomas Pynchon are some of my favorite authors.  But I've got some guilty pleasures, too: Harry Potter, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, lesser-known young adult author William J. Brooke's Teller of Tales, and several trashy fantasy series (David Eddings's Belgariad being chief among them).

Reason #5: Dating me would be a good ego boost.  Not in the "you-should-date-me-because-I'm-so-awesome-you-would-be-happy-just-to-get-to-spend-time-with-me" sense, but rather in the "you-should-date-me-because-wow-will-it-feel-good-to-have-at-least-one-person-around-who-isn't-a-massive-overachiever" sense.  I mean, c'mon, you run for Team USA Minnesota.  As best I can tell from their bios, between them your teammates have earned at least 46 NCAA All-American honors, have represented Team USA in international competitions at least 35 times (24 of them in World Championship events), won 21 national championships at levels ranging from high school to professional, have made 3 USA Outdoor Track World Championship teams, won the USA Road Circuit 2 times, and been named USATF Long Distance Runner of the Year twice.  Also, one of them has a graduate degree.  Rather than having to live up to these high standards all the time, wouldn't it be nice to date a guy who knows you're a higher-achiever than him at, well, pretty much everything?  There's just no pressure there.