Dear Gabriele Anderson,
That's cool. I can take a hint. Like how you haven't emailed. Or how you never retweeted any of my tweets followed by an LOL, ROTFLOL, LMFAO, or even just a WTF?!?!?. Or (perhaps more tellingly) like how you haven't taken me up on my offer and actually said you would go on a date with me (yet?), or how you haven't really even acknowledged my existence at all.
Of course, I can take solace in the fact that the reason you haven't accepted my offer is probably that you don't know I exist. I mean, as of this writing, I only have 15 Twitter followers, of whom about, oh, 13 (or so) are some kind of bot or at least generate their "following" list algorithmically. And there hasn't been even a single comment on this blog. So as far as I know I basically shouted this "ask out" into the void (wait--that's how I chose to try to console myself? Wow . . .), which means you didn't really reject me so much as just not hear me, right? Right . . . ?
So, like I said, I can take a hint. I mean, if after all this time--and all these highly compelling reasons why you should go on a date with me--you still aren't interested, I guess it's time to take a deep breath, cut my losses, lick my wounds, and just move on. So that's what I'm gonna do (although Gabby--it's cool if I call you Gabby, right?--baby--and it's cool if I call you baby, too, right?--if you ever change your mind, my email address is at the top of the blog).
Sincerely,
A Dude You Should Date
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